It’s hard for me to forgive…

Do you find it hard to forgive? If your answer is yes, then you are not alone…

At a very young age I have learned resentment. After I was molested at nine years old, not by one but two relatives, I stopped to be a normal child. I had a lot of hate inside me. I was bitter because no one was able to protect me. I hated my father for being an irresponsible and absent father. I hated how my mom was not able to stay home to take care of us. I kept the bitterness inside me for almost all my life and because of this, forgiving other people is something I always struggle with.

I grew up very sensitive of my feelings and very concerned of how other people see me. I remember how I would distance myself from friends or relatives who offended me, not talking to my mom or siblings for weeks, months, because of something they have said or done, and how I would skip church for a long time to avoid some people. I lost valuable time and relationships because it is hard for me to forgive.

“Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all” that’s the lyrics from a well-known song. If you will think about it, it’s not absolutely true. Loving yourself is the easiest thing to do. It’s easy to think of yourself, it’s easy to be selfish, it’s easy to take advantage of others for your benefit. It’s also the reason why it’s hard to forgive. When we are hurt, what we feel is the center of the universe, it’s always about us.

No, loving yourself is not the greatest love of all, but loving others is. It’s the hardest thing to do. It’s hard because it inconveniences yourself. It requires sacrifice. It requires you to deny yourself and your entitlement. It requires you to look past the offense. It requires you to forgive.

Forgiving others is hard and yet it’s one thing you have to do over and over again for the rest of your life. Because the truth is, people will offend you, hurt you, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s inevitable. I don’t think I could have ever forgiven those who have wronged me without relying on God. Forgiving others is a never-ending pursuit. It’s hard, so let God help you do it. You don’t have to go through it alone. Let him enable you to do it.

Day 21 – What Makes Me Sad?

Here are the things that make me sad.

#1 I feel sad when I know someone that I care about has issues or ill-feelings towards me.

When I was growing up, my heart is full of anger and bitterness. This is the reason why I have a gloomy and serious personality. When any member of my family has ill feelings towards me, instead of fixing the conflict, I let my pride overtake. There were many times that I didn’t talk to my mom and siblings for days, weeks, and even months. But I realized that pride, arrogance, and unforgiveness bring me to a pit of darkness and misery. I thank God for changing me everyday. I’ve learned to be meek even if it was not my fault because it’s a waste of time to hold of any grudge, anger or bitterness especially with your loved ones. Life is full of surprises and tragedy. We can lose our love ones anytime. Being stubborn in heart is not worth it.

#2 When at the end of the day I haven’t accomplished anything.

I think this is a good thing in a way that it makes me want to improve my discipline and organization skill. It’s not good when it makes me beat myself up and sulk in regrets.

#3 When I read or hear news about my country, the Philippines.

I feel hopeless for my country whenever I read or hear the news. It’s full of negativity everyday. Politicians are fighting, people are divided, people are dying, and people are still poor.

There are lots of reasons to be sad because the world is cruel and most of the time unfair. But sadness is an important emotion that should be given credit too. You can feel the real essence of happiness because of sadness. It’s what makes us compassionate and generous with other people. It gives us the ability to empathize with other people’s trouble or tragedy. It creates friendships and camaraderie. It makes you appreciative and thankful for what you have. When you’re sad, it should not always be seen as negative. There’s a time to be sad and there’s a time to be happy.

But what if sadness has already taken control of our lives? I don’t have all the answers but one thing I’m certain, God is always there to listen and walk with us if we will let him. We don’t have to go through the process alone. If there’s anyone who knows us and understands us, it is God. People may not be there for us all the time but God is. Why don’t you pour your heart to him now?

How about you? What makes you sad? How do you deal with it?

If you want to participate in this challenge, please read the Start blogging with the 30-day blogging challenge post.